Kylie Kelce Reacts Shocked As Her & Jason Finnley’s Youngest Daughter Calls Taylor Swift Mama TayTay
Exhaustion, Fines, and the Millennial Pause: A Week in the Life of a Real One
Welcome back, real ones! This week, we’re diving into the exhausting realities of dinner plans, the NFL’s strict rules on celebrations, and the existential dread caused by a little thing called the “millennial pause.” Plus, a brief update on the Kelsey brothers’ newest venture and Travis’s (apparently) flawless taste in steak.
Comments of the Week: Too Tired for Dinner, Too Invested in Elsa
You all came through with the comments last week, proving that everyone is universally exhausted by the mundane decisions of adulthood.
1. Six Elsas and a Fiasco
On the decision to ditch family Halloween costumes after the Little Mermaid fiasco of 2023, one of you suggested: “Hear me out… Six Elsas.”
The Problem: “Honestly, I’m so into that.” But there’s one hurdle: if Ellie won’t give up being Anna, it’s impossible to have five Elsas and one Anna.
The Current Plan: The new compromise is two Annas and two Elsas (with Finn stepping in as one of the Annas). But who knows if this plan will hold!
2. The “Hello, Darling” Debate
A clip from the other podcast caught a hilarious exchange between Jason and Kylie, which became viral:
Jason: “Hello, darling.”
Kylie: “Ew.”
The Defense: Kylie clarified that Jason does not call her “darling” on a regular basis—it was “very out of the ordinary.”
The Universal Struggle: The main takeaway, however, was the collective exhaustion over the question, “What’s for dinner?” Everyone in a relationship, apparently, suffers from decision fatigue. The dream? For someone to look you “straight down the barrel and said, ‘I want a salad from this store… I want a cheese steak from you know where.'”
Doom Scroll of the Week: Fines, Fights, and Gen Z Scrutiny
1. The Cost of Touchdowns (NFL Fines)
Commanders wide receiver Chris Moore’s wife, Tori Moore, is a genius. She’s showing her husband touchdown dances that will not get him fined.
The Secret: The NFL has strict rules, and one thing you are “not allowed to do is launch the ball as a celebration” (or launch anything into the stands). This action results in a hefty payroll deduction.
Kylie’s Pep Talk (The Fight Rule): Since Jason (an offensive lineman) rarely had scoring opportunities, his celebrations were limited. However, Kylie’s most important rule was for when a fight broke out. Her pep talk to Jason was: “You better keep all 10 of his piggy toes on the outside of that field.” If you, a non-active player, step one foot onto the field during a fight, even to break it up, you get hit with a massive fine. “They do not [expletive] around with that.”
2. The Millennial Pause 🤦♀️
Gen Z has started a viral trend making fun of millennials and their “pause,” and Kylie feels “personally victimized.”
The Definition: The millennial pause is when you start recording a video but don’t immediately start speaking, taking an extra second to think. It might be dead space, an “um,” or a “so I was thinking,” showing a “lack of a sense of urgency.”
Kylie’s Response: After being informed by her former field hockey players that she, too, is “known to millennial pause,” Kylie declared war: “I’m gonna start doing it on purpose and I’m going to start doing it for an extended amount of time.” Her message to Gen Z: “Chill out… Enjoy the journey… If you don’t want to stick around, guess what? I’m going to start millennial pausing.”
Ask Me Some Things: Raisins and Rebellion
It’s time for the “Ask Me Some Things” segment (because “Ask Me Anything” needs boundaries).
Q1: Cowboys on Halloween?
Brandy Burkheart asked: If a child knocks on your door dressed as a Cowboys football player or cheerleader, do you give them candy or tell them to get off your lawn?
The Verdict: Hypothetically, every other kid gets candy. The Cowboys kid gets a box of raisins—or maybe an old avocado. “Guys, raise your kids, right? Okay, I don’t know what that’s the best advice I can give you.”
Q2: Hidden Items and Haircuts?
Emily R. asked: Is there anything you have to hide from the girls? And which one would cut their hair first?
Hidden Items: Surprisingly, not scissors. The items that must be hidden are any writing or drawing utensils that are “smooth to go on your human body head to toe.” Markers, silky crayons, and paint lead to full-face paint and body stripes.
The Hair Cutter: The most mischievous child, Bennett Luelle Kelce, is the one who will definitely be the first to attempt a haircut on herself or her sister.
Kylie Has Some Business Being (Field Hockey)
Kylie’s qualification (playing/coaching field hockey for years) earned her the right to hold her second youth field hockey clinic this past weekend in Philly: Stick with PHL.
The Ridiculous Request: The most absurd part? Being asked to sign field hockey balls, sticks, and shirts. “I literally told one of those children this just decreased the value of your stick.”
The Moment: The segment was interrupted by her daughter, who “plays in the corner in the kitchen and says, ‘I’m on the podcast.'” After a quick performance of the smoochy kiss, eyebrows, and a wink, the child returned to play.
New Heights Update: The Wagyu Wars
Jason and Travis provided an update on their podcast, where Jason was thanking Taylor Swift for attending a recent Chiefs game, attributing the team’s dominating win to her presence. The chat quickly moved to Travis and Patrick Mahomes’ newest venture: 1587 Prime Steakhouse.
Travis’s Recommendations: Travis’s expert recommendations for the steakhouse included a Wagyu smash burger, “f***ing crispy, delicious” chicken nuggets, and, for the main event, the A5 Wagyu strip with truffle butter on top.
Jason’s Resistance: Jason was horrified by the truffle idea: “I don’t like mixing truffle with steaks. Just give me the steak.” His ultimate critique: “If it’s good steak, I shouldn’t need truffle butter.”
Next week, Kylie will be joined by a very special guest, who she made “too obvious” with hints about Japanese Maples and the need for Halloween-related questions! Send in all your questions now!
