My Son’s Father Built His Life on Lies, and I Believed All of Them

Ithought I knew the man I was so familiar with, but it turned out he was a master manipulator. Honestly, I believed I knew him more than he knew himself. It turns out all I knew about him was a lie. He lied about his job, where he came from, his relationship status, everything.

When I got pregnant, he disappeared for seven months. I do not know where he went. But when he showed up, he came with a woman he called his aunt. Later, I would learn that she was one of those self-proclaimed spiritual mothers from Kasoa, on my baby daddy’s payroll. From what I understand, he was buying her silence with cash to keep his relationship with the woman he is currently living with in East Legon. Apparently, he went to do a knocking ceremony just two months after I told him I was pregnant in 2023. All while carrying on with his normal life as a football agent. Let us call him Otinkorang.

When I was in the labour ward fighting for my life to birth his baby, he was absent. His family was nowhere to be found. The thing is, he was trying so hard to keep it quiet that he was having a baby with me. He was hiding the truth. I struggled to pick up the pieces of my life while caring for my son financially, physically, and emotionally. There were times he gave support, but it was always met with insults from me. As a woman, I know I should not insult a man, but that was the only language he truly understood, so I gave it to him. He knew how to provoke me. When I was silent, he never sent a dime. When I screamed and made noise, that was the only time he sent money for his son, so I also resorted to that. He played into that, always pushing me to act out of character, then using it to tell others I was mean, that I had trapped him with a baby. When I would confront him about the truths I discovered, he would swear heaven and earth and deny everything.

So here is the thing. According to sources, the name I know him by is a lie. He is using a mobile wallet name as his real name. Everyone around him, including my family, knew him by that name. The worst of it all is that we named our child using the fake surname he presented, a name he approved, but he was absent during the child’s christening. It was as if he had planned everything to the core. When I confronted him, he denied it, saying we all just assumed it was his real name. The truth is, he played me and my entire family for fools.

The man he introduced as his father eight months after my C-section was not his real father. He was his uncle, who also played me for a fool. I only found out when the old man died recently. I had my suspicions, but fate exposed the truth in the harshest way.

When push came to shove, I finally met his real family, his mother and sister. They still have not informed his biological father, for reasons known best to them. According to them, they want to make amends for his actions, but his behaviour has not changed. He still is not taking responsibility for his son the way he should. This man does not know how to love his son. No empathy, no conscience, and no accountability. He has not even taken our son in his arms to play with him or shown any fatherly love. He tells pathological lies that make your soul shiver. Everything he has done, he acted like he was forced.

I already walked away seven months ago, until the truth about his uncle’s passing came out recently. That brought a lot of ugly, bitter truths to light.

His sister and I had a heart-to-heart conversation concerning her nephew. From all that she said, it is clear to me she just does not want to get on her brother’s bad side. That is all. So I have also decided to withdraw myself entirely. She said that they have not told anyone from either side of their family what has happened in the last few years, that their son has a child with me.

Now I am torn. They have offered to send my son to school and help with his birth certificate. I already turned down the birth certificate offer. It is my job as a mother to do it once the names are finalised and approved. I want to protect my son from further hurt. I have been hurt terribly, and I will not let him be hurt all over again. I am shielding him from emotional imbalance.

The worst of it is, I know why this man is behaving this way toward me and his son. He is only protecting his relationship with the woman he is living with because he benefits financially from her. She takes good care of him, and his family benefits as well. Hence the reason he is hiding the fact that he has a son with me from her. They have no children together.

A few people who know the truth have told me to expose him. If he can do this to me, he can do it to someone else’s daughter. But I know I cannot do that. It is even crazy how I still defend this man regardless, countless times, even when news flew in about his secret lifestyle. His family has zero idea. At the end of the day, he is still my son’s father.

But I constantly ask myself, to what extent do I endure nonsense in the name of patience, forgiveness, and understanding? Especially with his family claiming to be in shock and wanting to right his wrongs?

Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?

I have decided to focus on my son’s future. I will be getting his birth certificate done with my last name. He will start school soon. I will not wait on any family. I will start a new job I got in January, and I will foot every bill for him and myself. I have a side gig that helps. If the family decides in the future what is best for my son, they can always go change his last name, provided his father is sincere about his actions. I want nothing forced.

I am physically and mentally drained, but I am holding on to my faith and spiritual support. I am not perfect, but I have been grounded firmly in prayer.

Am I doing the right thing? Am I rushing the wait period for his family to do right by him? What is the way forward? Do I call a spade a spade, go to court for sole custody, a child support plan, and reimbursement for back payments, and then move on? Or do I continue quietly as a single mom, forgive, forget, and cut off ties completely? Or do I move on and allow only visitation rights for his aunt and grandmother, the only two who showed some care and love?