I know how Coldplay kiss cam CEO Andy Byron’s wife will be feeling – because it happened to me
Here’s my advice to Megan, betrayed by the alleged Coldplay concert cheater…
Six years ago, almost to the day, I found out my husband was cheating. It was on our fifteenth wedding anniversary. Over a family breakfast messages flashed up on his phone from a woman that felt over familiar. I insisted on reading them. They revealed an affair.
As I read their conversation, I felt stunned, sick and beyond desperate. Panic coursed through me, the shock making me shake with fear.
I’m reminded of these emotions by a story dominating the news. The one about a couple whose alleged affair was caught on a kiss cam at a Coldplay concert (Andy Byron, a tech CEO with his company’s HR chief Kristin Cabot). Whilst my relationship implosion wasn’t so public (although I had written about our happy family unit in my magazine column) I, and every other person who has suffered betrayal, knows the acute distress Megan is experiencing.
© Rosie Green
Rosie discovered her husband was cheating on their fifteenth wedding anniversary
Because whilst every affair is different, many of the emotions around it are universal. Thanks to my own experience I’ve learnt heartbreak follows a similar pattern to grief. Think shock, denial, fear and bargaining, detachment, anger, growth, acceptance and, eventually happiness.
© Rosie Green
Rosie Green found hope
I processed my own marriage implosion the only way I knew how. I wrote about it. And by opening up about the pain infidelity caused me, I created a community on Instagram. This broken hearts club provided, still provides, immense comfort to those who’ve been cheated on. Because it’s reassuring to know you are:
a) not alone
b) not going mad and
c) are actually on a well-trodden path that will, in most cases, lead to a stronger, more resilient you.
So Megan, here’s my advice..
Surviving the life-shattering discovery moment
I’m sure that the moment you received the call about the kiss cam footage will have been one of the worst of your life. Seeing the pictures of your husband and his co-worker with their arms around each other, the ease of their embrace seemingly indicating a long term relationship, will no doubt have made you feel physically sick.
© X
The kiss cam moment at the Coldplay concert went viral
For me, and for many others I’ve spoken to, in the face of such extreme pain our minds raced to protect us by dissociating. To Megan, I say accept the numbness.
After reading the phone messages I remember racing into the garden and summoning my husband to follow me. I felt like I was watching the whole situation unfold from above. Within hours of the discovery, I was weirdly rational. Asking is this what you want? Can we salvage this without blowing up our, and our kids’ lives?
Managing immediate aftermath
If, like me, you were blindsided by this alleged affair, then seek help. If you are struggling to sleep and eat go to your doctor. I had to get medication to ease the intense anxiety I was feeling. Then gather a support network of people that can advise and empathise. Do not engage with those who just like the drama or those who push you to seek revenge.
© Rosie Green
Rosie shares her experience
You have already shown pragmatism by removing your social media. Keep off it for a while. Try not get sucked into stalking your partner on the internet. In an evolutionary misfire your brain propels you to crave information on them, but it just distracts you from focusing on yourself and your kids. This is especially hard when your story is literally front page news.
Oh, and find a therapist pronto.
Handling the fall out kids
Oh my God, the kids. I can’t imagine what your children are feeling right now. I’m guessing embarrassed, furious and profoundly shaken.
© Rosie Green
Rosie has experienced cheating
One of the hardest things about a marriage blowing up in this way is that you’re not only have to deal with your own heartbreak, you also have to manage your children’s. You have to be strong for them whilst inside you are a mess. And if they are not talking to their father, then you bear the brunt of their anger and confusion on your own.
One piece of advice I was grateful for was not to speak ill of their other parent in front of them. They will feel they have to defend them and that makes them even more conflicted. You may be apoplectic he has exposed them to this, but vent only to your friends. Get the kids counselling too.
How to find hope
There’s no sugar coating it, infidelity and heartbreak takes time to recover from. So many people ask me for time frames and the answer, boringly, is everyone’s journey is different. But it might be good for you to know the feeling of dread dissipates by around five months, a few months after that you might realise you haven’t cried that day.
© Rosie Green
Rosie feels grateful for her experience
By a year you might well consider going on a few dates and five years on you will probably be grateful, yes grateful, it happened. I know I am. Because an old affair shows something wasn’t right in your relationship. And now you have the chance to discover how strong you are, how many people love you, and how you can survive alone. And perhaps, if you want it, to find someone new who knows your worth.
© Rosie Green
Rosie has since found love again